The Problem With Authenticity II

May 9th, 2009

Part 2 of 4

Figuring out what we’ve actually got to work with.

It would seem that the very task of sorting out what is and is not authentic about my current life could be wildly daunting. Taking stock at any point is a challenge, but one of the beauties of taking stock is finding those moments where we discover that what we long to be, we are. Write those moments down! There are so many facets of modern life that can demand exploration.

Is my work a reflection of my ability/skill/passion? Am I stuck in false alliances at work that weigh me down?

Do I feed myself and my family natural foods or are we swamped in processed products? (This one is especially difficult because of the incredible cost of organics in a convenience-based culture.)

Are my relationships with my friends honest?

Am I overly concerned with appearances or creating a picture perfect life? Have I financed a weeklong vacation to Mexico so I can vacation, or so I can appear to vacation (or to afford a vacation)?

Does my marriage appear to be happy, or is it happy?

Are the time and resources I share with my community in keeping with my political/social philosophy?

The iterations are endless.

And then there are the most difficult questions: Am I being kind to appear to be kind, to be opportunistic, or because I am kind? Did I honestly give something today not expecting reciprocity? Did I do so because I wanted to? Did I say I wanted to?

Do I know what I want?
Do I know what motivates me?

Is what motivates me ugly, selfish, and destructive? The most difficult element in the search for authenticity is that, if I’m being completely authentic, sometimes the answer is a definitive yes.

 

(C) 2009  Elizabeth King     As posted originally on http://lollydaskal.com

The Problem with Authenticity I

May 2nd, 2009

PART 1 of 4

The issue:

We find ourselves in an age of personal branding and marketing, of relentless social media and networking, of the end of privacy and the promulgation of a self-crafted identity. An accepted social construct has emerged that allows for endless calls to forget your fears, to embrace your dreams, to listen to your inner voice. And yet in the midst of this media circus we often punctuate the conversation with desperate cries demanding, both for ourselves and of our audience, authenticity.

Merriam Webster defines authentic (albeit in its fifth definition) as “true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character.” I suppose this spirit or character is that which we refer to when we talk about “finding ourselves.” In fact, the very phrase I’m trying to find myself has become ubiquitous in popular culture.

The problem is, though, if you’ve been living in the United States in the past sixty years (and I’m choosing that number arbitrarily for the sake of argument), you’ve been living in a largely inauthentic reality. We live on inauthentic mortgages and credit lines based on inauthentic incomes. We eat mass produced foods that are mere shadows of their original, artisinal selves (think bread-turned-Wonderbread, pasta-turned-Chef-Boyardee, yogurt-turned-GoGurt, Sunday Dinner-turned-Hungry-Man). Our governments operate covertly, allowing us glimpses of their functionality, creating a façade to hide from us international intelligence that one wonders, frankly, if it we’d have any business being exposed to the truth there, anyway.

Our families are more broken than ever and those families live in homes that hope to replicate the great Georgian plantations and the Cape Cod lifestyles of 150 years ago—please excuse the Tyvek and Pergo. We “stage” our homes. We lock our doors.

And then there are ourselves. We botox, dye, and tuck every square inch of ourselves. We binge and purge. We mull over our personal brands. If we stray from the “brand message”, we perceive that we compromise our income-building opportunities. We filter.

And yet we grandstand about authenticity. So? So the problem with authenticity is that it asks that we actually be exactly what we claim to be.

 

(C) Elizabeth King  As posted originally on LollyDaskal.com

On Creatively Thriving

February 23rd, 2009

There’s something specific to the culture of what I’ll call the Creative Achievement set, something particular that elevates our collective experience and our collective output. While each of us is in process and at varying levels of performance at any given time, we tend to recognize each other in character or type almost immediately. We’re all in-process products of our own inherent drive and passion that, while it may ebb and flow, tends to be nothing short of overwhelming when activated. However, it’s our community and connection with each other that let’s us go from performing to thriving.

We’re not thriving simply because we lean on each other, but because of an unspoken rule specific to the Creative Achievers. Creative Achievers are often exceptionally good at supporting and spurring each other on.  Those who know what it’s like to get out there and kick some serious tail, those who know the burden of giftedness or inspiration, know this: you only push someone when they’re down as hard as they would push themselves when they’re really up. They deliver that push with a calculated nuance that may feel like as delicate as a kick in the head.

Nevertheless, there’s specificity in the combination of the inherent risk taker being challenged by another inherent risk taker. We flourish because we care and have the nerve to challenge another with the level of passion that we are sometimes able to lavish on our own ideas and ourselves. In this way, we collectively, creatively, thrive.

(C) Elizabeth King As originally posted on CreativelyThriving.com

Straight Talk about The Secret

February 10th, 2009

I think it’s time we got real about The Secret.

It’s time we sort out the differences between wishful thinking (e.g. The Secret or Law of Attraction) and outstanding personal positioning and decision-making (what Rosalene Glickman aptly calls optimal thinking in her eponymous book).

It seems that the phrase ‘the secret’ has degenerated into a catchall term for feel good goal setting for folks who honestly mean well. In fact, I read a post on Twitter recently that roughly claimed “when someone wants something very badly, the universe will sense that desire and give it to him.” At first it seems like such a nice idea that if one wants something badly enough that “the universe” (whatever that is) will just line up with her and conspire to make it happen. However, I daresay Hitler really wanted to kill the Jews—and did a pretty outstanding job for a while there—and I’d hate to think that my universe got on board with his wholehearted, albeit despicable, desires. (Let’s leave the total depravity of man notwithstanding for now.) Ultimately, The Secret grants our thoughts and wishes omnipotence above our behaviors.

Optimal thinking calls us to decisively weigh out our options, assess the potential outcomes of our actions, calculate the risks, and then pointedly move in a direction towards our objectives.

Indeed, the implementation of optimal thinking feels quite a bit like implementing The Secret in that the thinker similarly sets and focuses on her goals and directives. In fact, some of the things that The Secret suggests probably foster the same sorts of outcomes that optimal thinking would. For example, if I have a “vision board” in my kitchen with some pictures of flat stomachs and words like Mr. Right glued to it, I’m subconsciously encouraging myself to stick to yogurt and celery for lunch and to be receptive to men. My vision board may ostensibly lead me to shed some pounds and find a good date.
 
However, optimal thinking makes the personal work far more mindful and restores the thinker’s agency: the skinny waist, Mr. Right, those are all objectives, but instead the thinker is held accountable for designing and following up with a plan that maximizes the possibilities of the outcomes of thinness, happy marriage, Godliness, whatever it is she’s shooting for. Rather than “putting it out there” that she’d like to drop a dress size, she takes every opportunity to assess each situation and how she can best move towards losing a few more ounces.
 
However, it is that same optimization—that calculated risk and energy—which has ultimately propelled good businesses to extraordinary business. Zappos? Optimized. Wine Library TV? Optimized. Apple? Optimized.
 
I suppose leaving one’s own agency (or one’s power to act within his business) out of the equation can be tempting when one’s confidence is shot; in that case, if the objective was merely a wish and it doesn’t come true, there’s no one to blame but Star Light Star Bright. Ultimately though, I would wager that particularly when we’re working toward those goals that seem like they can’t be achieved without resorting to a flat out wish, we’ll fail without the pointed decision to optimize every situation.
 
Ultimately, it’s the contagion and universal applicability of optimal thinking that makes it so successful. It motivates us to move and work and it empowers us to interact with and bring value to those around us. We’re unafraid to challenge others when we’re being fearless ourselves. Knowing and designing a thought life that’s optimal is like applying the rules of game theory to all our endeavors on an hour-by-hour, minute-by-minute basis. Indeed, sometimes things seem to fall into place, but optimal thinking prepares us to respond to less-than-ideal situations and get as much out of them as we can. The Secret is safe; optimal thinking requires ownership. However, the thinker finds he has so much more to own when he’s optimized every opportunity. 
(C) Elizabeth King As originally posted on CreativelyThriving.com